As the school year approaches...

A letter to Piper’s teachers:

Here are my hopes for this coming year. 

·        I hope she feels safe and loved in her classroom
·  I want her to love learning and ask questions to learn more
·  I hope you appreciate her silliness, her dance moves and her hard work
·  I hope you can notice how she scrunches her face when she is starting to get frustrated
·  I hope you see that when she is super focused, she won’t leave her work to go potty.  Instead she will do her potty dance until you tell her to go do her business:)
·  Crafting, making things and getting her hands dirty is her love language.  As long as she is doing that, she is an angel
·  I hope you appreciate her creativity.  She may not color inside the lines, but if you ask her why, she will blow your mind with her explanation “because clouds are white mommy, not blue”  Oh.  Duh.
·  When she gets super excited about something she can’t spit it out right away.  Please be patient with my girl.
· When she does get feisty, yelling or getting in her face won’t work.  She needs to be alone.  She will then come to tell you what happened when she is ready.  Then, she will ask for a hug.  You have my permission to do so.  She loves to be loved.
· My girl is an observer.  She likes to watch other people and then she decides whom she wants to be around.  If she doesn’t like what she sees, she is perfectly content playing alone.
·  She has the best laugh.  You’ll want to hear it at least once a day, I promise.
·  I hope you challenge her.  Make things hard for her.  She needs to know that things may not come easily and she may need to work hard at something.  Academically, emotionally, physically, socially.  Challenge my girl.  And let her rejoice and celebrate when she achieves her goal.

      But most of all, appreciate her.  Her whole being.  She is mine and her daddy’s whole world and hearts.  We hand her over to you during the day.  We know she is not the easiest at all times, but she is ours and we appreciate you for being willing to take the time help our babe grow.

~Amy

365 Days

Welp, it's been one full year since we found out we gained an angel baby.  365 days of change and growth for this amazing little family of mine.  One big change is that I am pregnant once again.  It is exciting and yet terrifying at the same time.  I am constantly scared of using the restroom just in case I may see spotting or something that shows me something is wrong.  The good thing is, this little dude moves all the freaking time!  He is currently making the left side of my stomach go straight up-it is rather entertaining.

Another change that I have noticed in myself, is that I feel a bit "hardened".  I tend to not have as much patience with adults, but I am overly patient with children-odd I know.  I just can't stand grown adults that are fake and negative.  Ironic since some may now see me as negative, I mean I am admitting that I have "hardened".  I just don't have time for petty bullshit and I can't stand watching people try to bullshit me.  I can see right through it.  I have, in this past year, made a point of speaking my mind...some don't enjoy that new part of me, they miss the quiet Aimo, whatevs!

The last change I have noticed is that I can be totally fine without thinking about our little angel boy and then one day, I crack and break and I can't seem to function.  It had taken us forever to pick out a crib for our 3rd gift from God.  Finally, Jeremy sat me down and just kind of said it like it is, "What the hell Mo?  It's a crib!"  But I realized it wasn't JUST a crib!  Are we rushing this?  What if something happens in the next few weeks and I have to see where he was going to sleep every frigging day?  Am I jinxing it?  Should we just wait until we have him in our arms?  What the hell do I do??  Jeremy, used to my meltdowns and random rants, very gently said, "Fish.  Fuck It, Shit Happens.  If something happens then it happens.  We have to have faith that what will be, will be and we can't be living the next few months in fear."  Amen dude!  Jeez louise, I love that guy.  And I couldn't believe he dropped my "fish" line.  He makes me smile:)  *On another note, call me crazy but I refuse to have a baby shower.  I can't celebrate him until he is healthy and with me.  I just can't do it.  I was able to get the crib and set up a room, but the shower must wait until after his birthday.  I get excited when I see baby clothes and goodies only to sit there and think twice about removing the tags and then spiraling into the "what if" thoughts.   

And now I shall end this entry with a dream that I had and only shared with a few people.  If you didn't know, I get crazy dreams, often with deceased people in them who need me to pass on a message and I LOVE these dreams.  Sometimes I don't know what the dreams mean right away, but after thinking it out or talking with someone else who knew the person, it all makes sense.  I also have dreams about people being pregnant before they even make the announcement.  I have been right many MaNy times:)

Okay, so my dream.  I had the surgery on a Tuesday and that Friday I had THE DREAM.  In this dream, I can see Archangel Gabriel.  I couldn't even tell you how I knew it was him, I just knew.  I could see he was kneeling down and holding a baby, swaddled in a blue blanket.  This is how I know our angel baby is a boy.  He is kneeling holding this baby, but as I look at the baby it isn't a teeny tiny babe it is a full sized healthy baby moving around and calmly sleeping.  The angel doesn't look up at me at all, he keeps his gaze directly on the baby and continues to rock him back and forth, back and forth.  I remember looking at the baby and stepping back.  The angel had the most magnificent wings you could ever imagine.  They were humungous compared to the man they were attached to and shimmering colors that words can't even describe.  It was like a blue/green/purple/crystal/shimmering/translucent.  Unbelievable actually.  Then I woke up.  I woke up with a smile on my face and a sense of peace and reassurance and calm.

I immediately started googling pictures of angels and angel wings and to this day I can NOT find anything like I saw.  No picture even comes close to the angel in my dream.  I also searched Archangel Gabriel and found that Gabriel is who mothers actually pray to when they are concerned about their children when moving or experiencing something new in a new and strange place.  Pray to him for your children to find comfort and a sense of safety and belonging.  Well shut the front door!!  That dream alone had brought me so much clarity and a sense of "he's okay, he is where he needs to be" and acceptance.  It's also how we came up with his name, Gabriel Boston Hornbeck.  Gabriel from my dream and Boston because it is our happy place.  I also traveled to Boston soon after gaining an angel, with my dear friend Rachel for a school conference.  It was just what I needed.  Good food, a feeling of independence and freedom, solid girl time and amazing sights.  

Thank you God for allowing me to have these dreams, especially that one in particular!

"Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my baby on my lap and tell him about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold him on your lap and tell him about me?"  -sayinggoodbye.org

quick update

2014 has brought us much happiness thus far.  First of all, Piper Christine is a freaking hoot.  This child says the silliest things and I hate to brag, screw that no I don't, she's pretty smart.  We are amazed every day at some song she sings or what she has learned in school.

Two weeks ago, I went to get little miss thang from school and her teacher greets me with the infamous, "Hi!  Can you come over here so we can chat real quick?"  

OH.  MY.  GOD.  What in the world did she do?  Bite?  Poop on someone?  Hit?  Say a bad word?  f*&k f*&K F$#k.  

She then continues, "I just have to say you are doing such a nice job raising her.  She is so polite and always says please and thank you.  She cleans up after herself and even some of the other kids.  And she gives the best hugs.  Thank you for teaching her those things since so many people don't anymore."  

Alright people, well I'm a bit hormonal so needless to say I cried and hugged the teacher.  I have NEVER been told I was doing such a good job raising my child.  I've been criticized countless amounts, but never been complimented on it!  I have never felt more proud of my girl.  My heart had never been so full.

This little lady is going to become a big sister this year.  We are more than excited, I don't even think there is a word truly expresses how we are feeling.  We are thrilled and yet so nervous at the same time.  We have nothing but trust in the big man upstairs and know that everything is in His time and part of His plan.  We just can't wait to hold this precious babe in our arms and know that he or she is perfect and ours.

We keep trying to see if Piper can give us a heads up on what we are having...kids have that weird sense of knowing these things.  And every day it changes.  One day it's a "thithter" and the next it is a "brudder" named Two.  She giggles and gets excited when we mention the baby and she has become VERY caring for her dollies.  She always loved her dolls, but now, whoa buddy.  She has to make sure they are all fed, changed and sleeping nicely before she goes downstairs or to bed.  It's adorable.

Our "little pretty" is blossoming into a big girl and we have never been more proud of her.

Here is our first picture of our third miracle.  My doctor was so nice to sit us down and compare this ultrasound to the ultrasounds of our 2nd baby.  She showed us how much different the first ultrasound for both babies were.  It was so nice of her and I'm pretty sure she could sense how terrified we were of losing this one, too.  At this moment in time I begin my 16th week with our third babe and pray for 40 weeks of uneventful bliss.